Adventures in Shame: My iPod

Over yonder @ Jennsylvania, Jenn was kind enough to share a cheesy play list with her readers and encouraged us readers to the same. In the spirit of self-disclosure and healing, I offer my premium cheese play list. For those that know me, this will come as no surprise.

In the interest of variety, I have stripped out the requisite tracks by Wham.

“Barbie Girl” – Aqua: Did this come out when I was in college? I don’t know, but I remember listening to this or something like it when I was bumming free tanning bed upgrades from a pal who worked at the local salon, the hysterically named Darque Tan. Never managed to score that free bottle of optimizer lotion though.

“Womanizer” – Britney Spears: Years ago, in the early days of her relationship with K-Fed, my friend Dawn and I mapped out the trajectory of her career. I’m still waiting on the country album, but have otherwise been dead on.

“The Rhythm of the Night” – Corona: For those smart enough to constrain their class schedules to Monday – Thursday, Fridays at the sorority house usually began with Bath and Body Works lotion and Days of Our Lives. By the early afternoon, we’d begin the ritual of preening for the fraternity party du jour. This song was inevitably playing on the radio while we were on route to Contempo.

“Dancing in the Sheets” – Shalimar: As a 9 year old, I sang this out loud in the back of a car on a family road trip. That was the point where my parents took my Footloose tape away.

“Do You Wanna Touch Me (Oh Yeah)” – Joan Jett: Last week I was at a Junior League event and there was, no lie, a woman pole dancing (promoting a lady’s fitness studio here in Chicago). Pole. Dancing. Me, if I were to ever choreograph a routine that had me suspended on a piece of metal tubing, legs akimbo, this would be a first choice.

“I Tried” – Geto Boyz:  You know if Geto Boy Bushwick Bill, a little person who grew up in a tough environment, can survive a self-inflicted gunshot to the eye I really have very little to bitch about. 

“Hangin’ Tough” – NKOTB: I was relentless in my devotion to this band but had enough foresight to put my BOP/Super Teen encrusted poster shrine to them on the back of my bedroom door.

“I Beg Your Pardon” – Kon Kan: I remember dancing to this song after having way, way, way too much to drink. There were strobe lights, I know that much.

“C’mon Ride It (The Train)” – The Quad City DJs: I used to roller blade and, sadly, used to roller blade wearing a unitard. This was on that mix tape which was ultimately destroyed when I wiped out, went ass over tea kettle and landed on my walkman.

“Come and Get Your Love” – Real McCoy: Inexplicably reminds me of Donna and Kelly at the Peach Pit, and how much I hoped Brenda would take a machete to them both.

 “I’m Free (Heaven Helps the Man)” – Kenny Loggins: For those times where you need to thrash around an empty warehouse in tight jeans and a short-sleeved sweatshirt.

“The Warrior” – Scandal: Occasionally I would get my parents to let me listen to Top 40 radio on the way to school. This would always play on the long drive to the magnate school I attended (briefly) in Wichita. I actually cheated to get in, copying all my math answers from my neighbor. You know, I still haven’t ever used algebra.

“Word Up” – Cameo: I only just realized it, but Cameo sounds remarkably like Urkel.

“Good Vibrations” – Marky Mark & the Funky Bunch:  Is it just me or the notion of a bicep curling underwear model rapping really, really funny?

 “You Make Me Feel” – Book of Love: Makes me Jones for an Outback Red Henley shirt and matching scrunchy socks. Fun fact: For years, I thought the lead singer for Book of Love was actually the actress who played Terri in “Just One of the Guys.”

“Don’t Go” – Yaz: I’m  hoping desperately that, before the first season is over, RuPaul makes his “Drag Race” queens lip synch this song.

“Everybody Have Fun Tonight” – Wang Chung: When bad names happen to good bands.

Comments

[Dan Perry]

Love the roller blade/unitard comment, but I can do one better. My sister used to roller skate a lot (not roller blade, we're older than that), and she had no lie, a head band with lightning bolts on it, in all their 3d glory. I kind of miss it.