I can’t remember when I turned into such a miserable flyer. I used to be good on planes (I made my first intercontinental trip at age 5, on Branff) but now I hate flying like the GOP hates the public option. Thankfully, I spent today's trip in first class where the wine might not be quality, but it is plentiful. Hooray for fermented grapes, nature’s Xanax!
Random thoughts from my flight (that I would have Tweeted had an internet connection been available):
I’m fairly sure that SNL actress Victoria Jackson is seated in the row to my left.
1:20 PM“Borrowed” an episode of Cold Case from the interweb. The victim’s name is Nash. Like Nash Bridges? Seriously? I know it was the 90’s but CTFO.
1:37 PM
I really need to learn more about clouds.
1:40 PM
The women in front of me are playing a game of one-upmanship re: college. One went to Texas A&M and the other went to Rice. I suspect this will not end well.
1:43 PMRE: Cold Case. It’s a skater-themed 90’s show. Why don’t they ever include Fido Dido? Seriously, I can’t be the only person who remembers Fido Dido gear.
1:58 PMRE: Cold Case. OMG SKATERZ R00L, COPS DRUL. 1/2-PIPES 4EVA! LOL!
2:03 PMHad to store my bag in an overhead bin in coach b/c ours wasn’t opening fully. Will have to employ serious Southern charm to swim upstream upon landing. USE THE FORCE LUKE!
2:14 PMFirst class cabin curtains are pulled. I’m guessing that means you don’t get to come through and use the bathroom on a loop, dude in cheesy sunglasses and wife beater.
2:27 PM
RE: Cold Case. The guy stored the body behind a fan. I get that it’s a warehouse and all but wouldn’t someone have noticed the stench when, you know, the FAN BLEW IT ALL OVER THE PLACE?
2:32 PM
Giving Vampire Dairies another shot. What’s that they say about a captive audience?
2:36 PMDoes sitting next to someone who needs wheelchair assistance mean I’m trapped and can’t get off the plane until everyone else has left? I bet it does. FML.
2:38 PM **For the record, it didn't. What took more time was getting my bag from row 5. Seat mate was probably halfway to Lafayette by then.**Guy on Vampire Diaries looks like Ben Affleck ca. proprietor of Fashionable Male in “Mallrats.” Whose your favorite New Kid? WHOSE YOUR FAVORITE NEW KID?
2:43 PM
Another cheesy guy storms the curtains to use the first class cabin bathroom!
2:45 PMHA HA! RE: Vampire Diaries. Dry ice fog and a raven in a graveyard! IMPENDING DOOOOOOOM!
2:48 PMThat lady’s got to be Victoria Jackson. The first class cabin attendants are spending way too much time talking to her. FYI: She drinks Corona with a lime.
2:49 PMAGAIN! Yet another guy in a tank top making his way to the first class bathroom! Is there some chick in there giving it away? Free Ed Hardy cologne? Hair gel?
2:54 PM
OMG! It’s the guy from the gate! The one who wouldn’t go to Meemaw’s because he had to party with his friends. For the record, he’s also wearing lady’s sunglasses. I think they’re Lilly Pulitzer. Phasers set to douchebag.
2:58 PMRE: Vampire Diaries. This soundtrack makes me want to shop at Hot Topic.
3:05 PM
Lady next to me woke up. “I was so comfortable I forgot where I was!” Bravo, Continental, bravo!
3:13 PMStarting our final descent. Hooray!
3:22 PM